It’s officially been 6 days now since I’ve been back in Seattle. It’s really tough for me to imagine that only 7 days ago I was sitting down near the south street pier looking out at the Brooklyn Bridge as the sun set. It’s even tough for me to imagine that only 7 days ago I said my last goodbyes to a few of the interns that I had the opportunity to build a closer friendship with. I say that it’s tough to imagine because to be honest it doesn’t feel like I was in New York a week ago. In fact, to me it feels like I’ve been back at home for months now. But why is it like that?
When I was living in NYC I missed Seattle. I missed the fresh air, the moderate temperatures, and the culture. When I first arrived in New York I didn’t like the culture, the atmosphere, or the crowdiness. Yet as I sit here writing this I’m finding that those are the things that I really am missing. But beyond that I think one of the things I’ve realized is that since I’ve arrived back at home I haven’t quite felt quite as comfortable with the group of people I used to hang out with.
Ever since I got home I’ve had the chance to see most of the people that I care about the most. My best and closest friends. But even as I hang out with them I’ve continually found that things have changed and that I just don’t feel comfortable. Even before I left for NYC I felt that way with my church community, and I could never really pinpoint why it was that I never felt like I truly fit in. In my head I kept asking the question, shouldn’t I feel like I don’t need to hide anything in front of my church community? That I shouldn’t be afraid of approaching or talking to anyone? Yet, I’ve continually found that especially within church, there’s a degree of separateness between me and those around me.
I’ve tried to analyze why it was that I felt uncomfortable. Was it me? Knowing that I can be shy and awkward at times I assumed that maybe it was me that made it difficult for me to get along tightly with those around me. But then if that were true, why did I have such an easy time getting along and feeling like I fit in among a group of people I didn’t even know before I went to New York? Somehow, a group of interns made me feel like I had been friends with them longer than I have been friends with some people that I’ve known since I was a kid.
I don’t think I’ve still managed to find out what it is exactly that feels weird about being home again, but at the same time it’s really getting to me. Why is it that I can’t feel at home in a place that I’ve called “Home” for over ten years? Why is it suddenly getting so difficult for me to fit in? There’s a disconnect somewhere…and until I find out where it is and reconnect it, Seattle will not feel the same to me.
If there’s one thing that the past two months have taught me is that sometimes in order to feel at home, you have to travel thousands of miles away to figure out what “home” truly means to you. And as of now, I can’t honestly say that I’ve figured out what it means to me.
Tomorrow will officially be the last day of my internship with Fox Networks Group. I think for the first time in a long time I’m absolutely speechless. It’s amazing to me to think that eight weeks ago I was still wondering what this internship had in store for me. Not only did this internship teach me SO much about the media industry and how it relates to marketing, but it also taught me what it means to work in the real world. It changed my character and changed the way I view people as well as interact with those around me. Coming out of this internship I’ve changed completely and it is thanks to the people I’ve met and the lessons I’ve learned over this course of eight weeks.
I never would have imagined that in eight weeks I would make friendships that I certainly hope will last past the end of this internship. I never imagined that I would meet and have a personal relationship with the senior vice president of ad sales for FX and I definitely would have NEVER imagined that I would have the president of ad sales for Fox Cable Networks tell my team that our presentation was absolutely “sensational.” Over the course of the entire internship I never woke up for one day and complained about going to work. Actually I woke up each weekday excited to show up at that building on the Avenue of the Americas. I woke up each day excited to see and interact with my intern team and most of all I was stoked to see what each day had in store for me.
In life I have always been told that more than anything else in this world relationships that you create are the things that will have the biggest impact upon your life. This internship just confirmed everything that I had been told before. Whether it be a relationship with a fellow intern or a relationship with my supervisor, I met and created connections with people that I would have never imagined I would ever meet two months ago.
And now as I write this I look back and wonder how eight weeks could have possibly passed so quickly. I came in with so many questions and now that I’m about to exit, even though I had so many of those questions answered I think I’m filled with even more questions of “what’s next?” Where will my life take me next? If eight weeks working at Fox Networks Group can change my life so much, what else does God have in store for me?
One thing I do know for sure though is that I don’t want to leave. Plain and simple. Coming to New York I got a taste of what it’s like to be on my own working in the real world. I got to move away from what I’m familiar with and thrown into a world I knew nothing about. And even though it was scary at first, I would be lying if I didn’t say that it was exhilarating and something that I would never regret.
Now that I’ve started something new here, suddenly everything back at home seems so mundane. Even though I was very doubtful about whether or not I would like living in a city like New York I’ve found that I’ve fallen in love with the hustle and bustle of the city. Now looking at going home just seems so boring and I don’t want to go back to the life that I left behind for eight weeks. I know that I have to go back at some point in time and I have to finish off college but to be honest at this moment, at this time I just don’t really want to. And to be even more honest I’m really scared that when I do go back home I won’t like what I find.
When I came out to New York it was a chance for me to take a fresh breath of air and try something new, away from anyone or anything that I was familiar with. Even though going to college was kind of a fresh start, the fact of the matter is that because I went to my own state college I never really had the chance to really separate myself from what I was familiar with. And now that I’ve had the chance to do that, I’ve found that I love it. This is why I’m not looking forward to going home at all. Not that I don’t love my friends and family but I love being on my own and discovering something new. I guess there comes a point in all of our lives where we feel like we need to explore the world and find something else, but I just don’t want this adventure to end quite yet. It got so good that it just seems wrong to leave it all behind.
I don’t know what’s going to happen when I go home. I don’t know where I’m going to be in a year. But after these past eight weeks I’m going to promise you that I’ll be back in a year. Back to get a full time job at Fox and back to doing something I love and working in a work culture that I love. I’ll be back New York I promise you that, the only question is how long will it take?